I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
