I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
