Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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