Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
