I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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