we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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