I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You're a waste of cheezeits
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize