Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize