but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
