how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
