This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize