his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
