Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
accomplished twins. life is a go
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
