So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
