Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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