My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
