I CAN MOONWALK!
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
