Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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