Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize