wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
