no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
