we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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