Do you still have your period?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
