Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize