the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
