put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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