We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
