So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
