You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
