I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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