My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
