I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We're too hungover to prance.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
