ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
