you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
