Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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