Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
