Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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