then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
