I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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