when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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