Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
