The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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