Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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