He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
