I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
