Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
