I think I just saw someone hide a body.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
