You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
