My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
