I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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