I accidentally had phone sex last night
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
