I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
