I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
