she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
