my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize