I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Randomize
