There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
