those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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