How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
