wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
