That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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