I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
