Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
