It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
