I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
