So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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