You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
