He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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