I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
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