Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
