Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
