Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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