im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i just google imaged poop.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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