If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
